Thoughts?

I wanted to open up more but talk less.
I’m afraid I could love you & then you would be different,
Because of my care.
My first love, are you to be
My first love?
I wished we could sleep ,
Cradled closely & experience all those things I fear;
Intimacy and necessity because we are intimate and I need you.
I am willing to be loved, for the first time
I am willing to be loved.
Though I am unsure I am worthy to be
& maybe I will let you down
& maybe you will regret it
Because I often fall short of expectations
So I no longer expect anything
But I feel I need you to love me
And I have to experience vulnerability at least once.
And if only once, then with you.
If I could slow down my thoughts, we could speed up the process
But with a history of isolation, my thoughts are all I have had
And old habits die hard -
But we could burn bright since I am in awe of you
And so what if I’m frightened?
Fear is nothing new
Though you are, to me.
& I realize you will always be different
because you effect me
like the electricity that rotates my atoms
so it’s fair to say you are under my skin
and closer to my heart than I have ever been.