A Prayer to come to terms.

Yes.
I am.
I am fine.
There are no worries.
So what’s left to discuss?
I do not need a friend.
These are not tears you see forming.
I learned early on to cry on queue.
More importantly I learned early on to not cry. Ever.

Parents.
Hold me.
Please love me.
Be proud of me.
Take an interest in me.
Remember that I am the child.
Don’t forget you never taught me how…
How to be alright in the world alone
How to be alright with the care of another.
How to be a man I can be proud of.

Sister.
Last night.
I was dreaming.
And you were dead.
And I sincerely grieved you.
Though I never knew you really.
And I forgave you for my childhood
That our parents spent tending only to you;
I see irony when my dreams are of you.
Because even while dreaming, my thoughts neglect to mention me.

Lover.
Watch me.
Be less amused.
And more so concerned.
With whom I will be.
I often confuse what I am.
So it’s always hard to know me.
When love is only a four letter word
And my books have pages missing- no index, sorry.
But please love me, please see me… Lover, watch me.

God.
Thank you.
For that moment.
For the rushing wind
That filled my dubious lungs
The light that bathed my room.
Thank you for Jesus in the curtains.
I needed to seep those tears like rain.
I promise I was not crying on queue.
Even though I learned how to do so early on.