01.29.16

it is the moment you realize
they may be fond but they aren't in love
it is the panic that a silent phone brings.
It is the gray skies of January
it is the stomach ache, the double-checking
the wondering who he's with
the wishing he was an intellect
someone well-read, someone who
understands to suffer is to exist
it is the waiting for him
the wanting for him to change
it is the desperate sex
you perform to hold his attention
the vacous looks you cannot relate to
the wanting to be loved for your mind
the realization he can only admire it.
It is the rushed decisions,
the poorly planned choices.
the lack of consequence.
It is him wanting someone deep
because his arms cannot reach.
It is the moment he says he's selfish
like its a reason, to be excused.
It is when you realize that
everything around you is expiring.