Where did u fly to

Where are we to fly to?
Fluttering away in rapid succession
To independent locales.
Too massive to fathom in these binding times
These occurrences that leave me lonely
That make me lonely-for you.

Oh to chase you as a phantom
As you chase me, haunting me.
Luring me with her voice-
But she is dead.
I know she walks,
I saw her walk…away.
Is there a way to call her back home?

Where is she?
I know she misses me
&must love me as sure
as she haunts me,
As sure as we flew away
In rapid succession
To independent locales.
Two independent locales.

But now I am lost-
& am breaking dow n
(not to be confused with falling apart),
but I guess it beats fading away.
Like you did-Fluttering.
undulating in the distance.

Where did she fly to?

Thoughts while we lean against the wall.

Meanwhile, I am stuck loving you
From a distance
Where interaction is clandestine.
Neatly trimmed to hide the seams.
And any loose details, I prefer left unseen.
But it’s all I can do:
Love you insidiously, insatiably-
From all directions &from nowhere
Without rhyme or reason,
But with a steady Pressure
That cannot be ignored-
To love you desperately,
Carnally, Biblically.
In hidden thoughts,
& deprived musings.
To dote on you like a possession
I seek to master yet fear to hold.
Need to hold, a sighhhh of relief,
Brought to my lips-by your kiss.
A kiss I deem too genuine to indulge
Too authentic to partake.

But my eager arms anticipate your embrace.
A lonely mother, waiting for the war to be over

Bodies that are.

There are crowded cities that are lonely,
Filled with bodies that do not make a sound.
Live cemeteries walking on cemented streets.
Our graves are filled to capacity, but the heart is absent.
The heart has been resounded to the pitch of nowhere
And is lost on this body.
Lost because the root of love is darkness.
so we are born into darkness and so we depart-
An organic implosion: we die in ourselves.
We die until the spirit is severed from the body
And shucked from life like a gnarly oyster
And we become the desperate shell
Of the meaty insides, long since gone.
I have become a fastidious cadaver,
Living in a city where the florescent signs
Hiss with more brilliance than any of my attempts at loving you.
It is this fact that sews this departed shut
Neat little incisions along the rib cage.
A scalpel in the hands of a rogue
Would you place yourself in my care,
If you knew I was incapable of ever being substantial?
Of ever living again?


I am laid to rest, my tomb setting sail,
Up purple rivers, through bruised currents
Through your mind-I head for swollen shores,
With sails that choke on the winds of longing
And the eternal silence of finality
Oh to be lost at sea.
&become loved via memories.
And my faults are forgiven
By He, who I wanted to love,
But could not reach-
& maybe you will be there,
Kissing my still skin, trying to reach me-
When I have already gone.
but this body is lonely, a heart that does not make a sound.
And since there is not sound,
All love speaks of silence.
And falls on my dead ears.
While the black cloaks of nevermore,
Ore me deeper into the waters of possibilities lost.

What i want

I want to know you
And be a part of your day to day routine
I want in on your private jokes
And to be invited over for nothing in particular,
Other than my company,
Which may be too awkward to enjoy.
But available to you just the same.

Someday, when I am brave,
Our eyes will meet and I won’t look away
And you will see me for the first time
Like I have seen you every time
And it will all make sense.
All things in time.

What I would do.

I would look you in the eyes,
If it didn’t leave me so stunned
That 8 years later, it’s still like day one.
Those deep black pools stopping me mid-step
I would dive into them; swimming to your depths

I would tell you you’re beautiful,
But words fall short;
They can’t describe the awe you invite
as my heart races back and forth.
Instead I tried to write you a poem,
But that never carried any clout.
no sonnet seemed genuine enough
I’m afraid you’ll think I’m silly-
Trying to express what I’m all about.
I have considered your touch,
&am afraid it causes me alarm,
I can’t even hug you correctly-
Knowing your embrace would leave me disarmed.
So I’m awkward and fumbling
&cannot show any of my charm

I would invite your kiss but,
I’m afraid it would cause a chain reaction
Igniting engines that have idled too long-
I wouldn’t know what to do with satisfaction.
Wouldnt know how to sing any other song.

I.

I tried to catch up to you;
Before the fog made you a phantasm.
But I was out of breath.
I realize my bones are getting old
When it’s raining out
And I fear the drops
As much as the wet
If you are the slickness
That lubricates my brow
Readily available to lick my joints.
It is January 5, 2009
And closure hasn’t begun.
The cold has moved in
And I don’t keep the warm like I used to.
I don’t know your warmth like I used to.