Where love is a Crumb

Did I mention
I say I love you
Quietly, like a whisper
like a mouse
running across the kitchen floor
Reaching for a crumb,
desperate and hungry
scared, but willing.
Did I tell you
I melt down
When you say you miss me
because I think maybe,
you too are a mouse
and are only willing to say
I am missed-
because to love me
would mean surrender
and you are done
with giving way,
but are learning
to give in.
But loudly, I
call you beautiful
because I know
beauty can only be seen
in that which I love.
and maybe you
have never experienced
the beauty I have seen,
when your lips
rest in a smile
as you sleep next to me.
And maybe your first man,
will always be the one
you loved with your blood.
But I will settle
for a whisper .
As we cook together,
in my large kitchen
where there are no mice,
but instead two men
hungry for the same crumb.

He lies next to me
and wants to hear poetry
about his anatomy
which takes the best of me
"where are we going?"
are we headed for catastrophe


the laundry needs folding
and dinner still hasnt been made
he lies naked while I rub aloe vera
on his sunburns and the puppy whines
from the kitchen, and my head aches
and i hear him shredding something
but I gotta get this poem down
before I can give anymore soul
to any soul asking.
so he places some clothes
on his pink hot body
and folds a few shirts
from the weekend laundry
computer keys click
and the words start pouring
and I forget about the world
as I remember who I am again.

maybe I did find him for the wrong reasons
but by the time I looked up we had been living together for three months
& by then you get comfortable and believe time will heal all wounds
because of the love thing.

The love thing that forces you to talk about the same shit
over & over until it seems scripted
bearing in mind I'm more of an improve kind of guy.

But you swallow down your own puke and answer anyway
"I love every part of you; of course I'm still attracted to you;
no I don't want to change you..."

scripted:
until its stale
like cigarette butts from a party two weeks back.
just the carrion remains-

But you swallow down your own puke and love anyway
because what if this is as good as it gets
"I just need you to be a little more attentive
and not be a million fucking miles away"
Though its the only place I know how to be.

Always somewhere else-
self traveling through planes of the mind.
and no my mind aint that unique,
its just familiar
and doesn't remind me I'm already on my third beer.

& maybe I am into myself-
you should be too.
and give me a chance to exhale
while you take a moment to fulfill your needs outside of me.

He took the dog with him and told me to stay behind
"Just relax and stay home. Write a poem, so we can get this writing thing out of the way"

I study the evening clouds
 rolling out over the mountainside 
as they cover the peaks and valleys,
like the blankets you pull up
around your body before you sleep in my bed.
I am equally amazed by their might
and by your presence

It is one phenomenon greeting another:
That which is soft cradling that which is timeless. 

They sweep over the mountainside with purpose,
as beauty often does.
My hands wish to sweep across your body
as lover's hands often do.
I see you sleeping like a cherub
and I know you can make any place heaven 

I see the tail of God’s gown
 as he floats across the valley

And I try to embrace his might,

There, where the naked branches
reach up to greet him.

Bony limbs with no bloom to adorn them
And yet the winter trees
reach out none the less.

I am reminded of my own bony limbs,

Reaching for you
with no decoration befitting of your arrival. 

In awe of the mist
sweeping in plumes
over greenery and raised earth. 

I run on,
searching amongst hillsides
to discover how one man leaves me in such awe...

And I am left without a solution.