What to Do?

When you phoned I was unsure what to do
Thought about ignoring the call-
Acting busy instead of distraught.
Wishing I could just open up
But realizing I can’t trust you.
I feigned a pleasant hello
Not knowing if you would interpret it as
Doing fine without you
Or happy to finally hear from you.
My feathers puffed up, I danced the rigadoon.
Rushing air into the barreled chest
Of an eager rooster.
I cooed a pleasant hello;
no one on the other end to catch it
Only silence wrapped in soft velvet.
Not even a dial tone.
Why had you rung, only to be a ghost?
To be a reminder of a time
That I cherish but can barely recall?
Deflated, I imbued failure and am at a stand still
But the spinning mind of a naïf asks questions.
I am forced to analyze why;
Why am I so easy to forget?
Why am I doing this?
Why won’t you cease haunting me?
Then the phone rang and I was unsure
What to do?

Little Earthquakes

There was an earthquake in China
and the masses were crushed
so many faces, searching for lost children
So many faces, a reflection of my own.
The earth quaked in China
and the masses were defeated
and the children drowned
in a lake of tears
that had not been there
3 days before.

I watched from the safety of America
Where children are afloat
in Cotton candy dreams.
Where the masses are defeated
by obesity and Pharmaceuticals.
But never by the earth-
Or nature unless it is human.

The earth ruptured in China
Like the Levee’s in New Orleans
Or the chords in my heart
From the safety of my cubicle
Where I appease the masses into believing
they are safer for knowing me.
They are safer because we are America
And I perpetuate a dream
That is gilded at best, if you truly know what gilded means
After the gold leafing has chipped away.

420, 000 homes were destroyed
420, 000 -all crumbled to the earth from which it came.
But they still don’t know;
They don’t know how many souls,
how many mamas
and cousins
and sisters
and uncles
and brothers
and lovers
Have given up on a clear dream
And are smothering to death in a cloudy basement of a collapsed church.

I see a woman on the news, she is muddy and swollen
Lying on a stretcher, connected to a chord
On instinct she yanks at the slack until it’s taught
Needing to escape.
She realizes there is nowhere else to go
I see the moment she is broken.
The moment she lets go.
I see the loss, it yanks at my chord
I shut off the TV, before I become unplugged.

Aimless

I caught the bus this morning,
Stood in front of Sutter’s Fort
In the dirt, in binding clothes,
Awaiting another bus to take me
Where every other bus
has already refused to go.

I stood in line for a cup of coffee
After the bus couldn’t take me
Where every other bus
has already refused to go.
I asked for heavy cream
To spill into my coffee
To add richness to the bitter taste
Of my everyday
But the carafe was empty.

I went downtown to find work
In my clothes that bind me
In this city, built on dreams
And I haven’t slept in days.
I walked home, briskly
After the bus refused to take me
And my coffee couldn’t console me.
The city streets haven’t changed
But I am headed in a new direction.
I trek on, down the same avenues
Where all my previous endeavors
have caught their death
waiting on a bus to take them
where every other bus
has already refused to go.

I came home and sat down-
Next to a phone that will not ring
Connected to your phone-
That does not call.
In my apartment that isn’t home.
So I lay down in a bed that gives no rest
To a body that cannot sleep.
Until I wait for the next bus to take me
where every other bus
has already refused to go.

Ready to check out

Am I to be shattered?
Been broken hearted galore
I have but one companion;
Loneliness-
My constant paramour.
Still I try to leave the light on
Maybe it’s time to close the door.

How many more bruises can I take?
With all this bending for bending’s sake
I have reached my threshold
And am bound to break...

I have a concern-
It may be time to leave
My stories have crumbled
What of love;
I sit and weep.
Reached out to folks-
They all flee,
So the problem lands at my feet
Must have made them sick
With my disease

For just a glimpse I was likeable.
Though never loved,
It was heaven and I was pleased
It was over before it begun.

Now if briefly to be granted
what I never knew:
Someone to share this poem with
an embrace to see me through.

Glimpse of the good life.

For just a glimpse
I was likeable
Though never lovable.
But it was heaven to me
To be able to see
What I never knew:
Reciprocity.

Fantasies of being lov'd

I haven’t written a poem
That has ever mattered to me
As much as your joy
When you lay asleep
Snuggled in my bed
I never want you to leave
Though I’m still a little nervous
But I’m willing to fall deep
I been hurt many times
Still this cat always lands on his feet.
I struggle to write a poem
That could express
The sincerity of your touch
Or how I yearn for your caress
To make me feel alive
And replace my hopelessness
All my troubles could be healed
With just a simple kiss.