He who no longer is.

He held my hand as we floated through the night
Like two ghosts in full bloom,
We were blessed to haunt the same road
We became the resident spirits of attraction
As his star shot across the sky
The star that only he witnessed,
though I still made a wish
that I would land gently
when his time came to leave me.
Though I found he never left
And is still with me
As I write this poem,
About a man with eyes like onyx
And lips that draw me near
Until Im too close to care
That I have responsibilities beyond his kiss.

'S' Alliteration

I slinked around the subject
With words too slippery to be substantial
Said I’m synonymous with separation
Still you swore you would sleep with me
Sorry, I’m simply too shut down to suggest I’m sultry.
Someday I should let someone stay-
Share my side, subdue my solemnity.
But scars cover my sanctity so I’m suspicious of sex;
Shamed of the salacious.
A secret sorrow to surreal to share.
So you may sail away like so many ships
That flee my sordid shores.
Sure as the seas,
Significant as its salts.
I am spread to span over every grain of sand.
Only satisfied once my heart stops.
Sedated from the touch of every man-
So I slink around the subject.
Only satiated by solidarity

Upon seeing my parents.

I don’t know what to say
I went to Utah to reunite
Went to see my family
I had spent months looking for a friend
But more than a friend
A companion but
More than a lover.
And never found him.
So I went home to Utah
To reunite with my family
And found them there;
Waiting for me to arrive.
My mother was there with all her love.
And I felt like a child again,
And maybe I shed a tear
That was the concentrated effect
Of thousands of tears held back
Missing her sweet face and lullaby.
And I reached for my father’s hand
But he responded with a hug-
Man to man, but so much love.
I am my father’s son.
I went to see my parents
And they made right
All the time we had spent apart

Thoughts?

I wanted to open up more but talk less.
I’m afraid I could love you & then you would be different,
Because of my care.
My first love, are you to be
My first love?
I wished we could sleep ,
Cradled closely & experience all those things I fear;
Intimacy and necessity because we are intimate and I need you.
I am willing to be loved, for the first time
I am willing to be loved.
Though I am unsure I am worthy to be
& maybe I will let you down
& maybe you will regret it
Because I often fall short of expectations
So I no longer expect anything
But I feel I need you to love me
And I have to experience vulnerability at least once.
And if only once, then with you.
If I could slow down my thoughts, we could speed up the process
But with a history of isolation, my thoughts are all I have had
And old habits die hard -
But we could burn bright since I am in awe of you
And so what if I’m frightened?
Fear is nothing new
Though you are, to me.
& I realize you will always be different
because you effect me
like the electricity that rotates my atoms
so it’s fair to say you are under my skin
and closer to my heart than I have ever been.

Close Encounters

And just when I stopped trying,
I met him, on a Friday.
Cold weather draped the fog
Like organdy sheets from the trees
And he draped on me like;
Like I had hoped.
The air was thick and wet
And I was caught in the moment
Didn’t know if it was euphoria
Or hysteria,
So I let go and was overtaken by a joy
I haven’t felt, since the innocence of my youth.
I held his hand and sealed our touch.
Making a close encounter of our own kind.
And he might have caught me staring
But I had to; thinking he was an illusion
That I didn’t want to miss- a shooting star;
He was the particle trail of endless Zephyrs
And my heart a starburst;
Ignited by the heat of his gaze as he traveled over me
Giving birth to galaxies I had long forgotten.
And as I caressed the universe of his pitch colored hair,
I stopped to admire the twilight of its contour
And I swear it twinkled, like my eyes do
When I think of the night
A new star descended from the heavens
To light my darkened path.